Interesting conversation at the mighty Blackheath Squash Rackets Club earlier. Someone said I’ve got a lot better having trained with proper squash players for a while now. He also asked me why I still make mistakes, even with all those Sunday morning training sessions to my name. The question threw me. Upon consideration I said that it’s probably because on average 6 hours of squash every week is not enough to rid one of all one’s mistakes. Pros who’ve been training 6 hours a day since they were kids still make mistakes under pressure. Expecting to get great with my puny little training schedule is like playing a bit of guitar of an afternoon and expecting to sound like Van Halen. Ain’t gonna happen.
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Yet, funnily enough, in the music business the vast majority expect their efforts to be met with offers of deals, great gigs and big advances, pretty much once they know how to hit a power chord and mumble a semi-coherent “this one’s a new one…” at a gig. I can’t get over that attitude. I look at it this way and that, but I can’t figure that one out.
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There is a lot of waffle on the internet about the new musical middle class whose wares we are urged to buy buy buy or for which we should vote vote vote. The more I think about it the more I feel that I should start selling tickets to my squash matches and design a line of Squash de Ville (Squashdevil?) related merch items. Maybe I will become part of the new sporting middle class. You know, the ones who aren’t that good, but whose stuff will sell if only they tweet and blog about it enough.
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Don’t forget to join the mailing list. Get a free wristband (with stale sweat from last week’s league match) if you like this item on my Facebook.
Tell you what, I will put you on the guestlist for my next match if you bring 5 friends who pay the full price.
I’ve put up some videos of me training on YouTube. Please send them to all your mates.
Follow me on Twitter and hashtag squahsdevil and re-tweet and tweet at… ad infinitum.
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Dammit, all this promotional work is taking away from my passion: that of hitting a ball against a wall. I need a manager who will take care of all the stuff that is taking up all my time. He will get involved because he believes in me.
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I tried to get a manager. I told them how great I was and how I’ve won all my matches this year. My mates at Club and in all the other clubs we go to ALL say that I’ve improved a helluvalot. Nobody wanted to do it. They’re all assholes.
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I also contacted a few sponsors to see if they’d be interested. They’re all evil corporate whores who are only interested in Roger Federer or Ronaldo or that other guy who married one of the Spice Girls. Wankers wouldn’t even return my calls.
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There is a conspiracy. It’s not what you know it’s who you know. I can’t believe that I have to pay for court time at Club. I think they are cowboys. I read in an industry manual that anyone who asks to get paid is a con artist.
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I woke up from the depths of my despair when my wife told me to put up some new shelves. Out of the back of the old bookshelf fell a copy of Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. It all came back to me. It takes time! I have to put the hours in! All 10,000 of them. Club, see you tomorrow morning at 6 am.
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This time I’m going to do it differently though. No pointless matches. Only the good ones. Probably gonna try to get a wildcard to some pro tournaments. I need a manager with the right connections.
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Know anyone?
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